Stop Shaming Yourself

Tips for Introducing Technology to Kids

Whatever the circumstances, a long car ride, their first flight, a pandemic-inducing quarantine, we (parents everywhere) have all relied on the crutch of a screen to soothe our anxiety or protect our sanity. It’s okay. The SodaSpeak community is a safe place. Tell shame to take a seat and keep reading.

Remember the first time you drank alcohol? The after prom party or the freshman year tailgate? The good old days. Long before we had a mortgage and love handles, we were on top of the world. Do you also remember having your hair held back while puking in a filthy frat house toilet or waking up to your first hangover? Well, like alcohol, technology has its upsides and downsides.

We have all heard the warnings: Kids today are addicted to their phones; Their self-esteem is inextricably linked to “likes” and comments. So how do you prevent your little one from turning into a phone-addicted-zombie-tween? No one really knows. But we are on that journey with you. Here’s what we do know. Technology needs to be appreciated and approached with caution. It can be a wonderful thing, but for those without the maturity to understand its power, it needs to be regulated by their caregivers.

We (the SodaSpeak team) are your co-passengers on this journey of parenting in the phone-addicted-digital era. We aren’t claiming to be the experts and our kids will need just as much therapy as yours, but we have really good research skills and our hope is to provide you with tips and tools to help your family navigate this consistently evolving terrain. We trust the sciences and believe the experts. And with that, we’d like to share some informative tips from the pediatricians of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

• Make your own family media use plan. Media should work for you and within your family values and parenting style. When used thoughtfully and appropriately, media can enhance daily life. But when used inappropriately or without thought, media can displace many important activities such as face-to-face interaction, family-time, outdoor-play, exercise, unplugged downtime and sleep. Make your plan at HealthyChildren.org/MediaUsePlan.

• Treat media as you would any other environment in your child's life. The same parenting guidelines apply in both real and virtual environments. Set limits; kids need and expect them. Know your children's friends, both online and off. Know what platforms, software, and apps your children are using, what sites they are visiting on the web, and what they are doing online.

• Set limits and encourage playtime. Media use, like all other activities, should have reasonable limits. Unstructured and offline play stimulates creativity. Make unplugged playtime a daily priority, especially for very young children.

• Screen time shouldn't always be alone time. Co-view, co-play and co-engage with your children when they are using screens— it encourages social interactions, bonding, and learning. Play a video game with your kids. It's a good way to demonstrate good sportsmanship and gaming etiquette. Watch a show with them; you will have the opportunity to introduce and share your own life experiences and perspectives—and guidance. Don't just monitor them online—interact with them, so you can understand what they are doing and be a part of it.

• Be a good role model. Teach and model kindness and good manners online. Because children are great mimics, limit your own media use. In fact, you'll be more available for and connected with your children if you're interacting, hugging and playing with them rather than simply staring at a screen.

• Know the value of face-to-face communication. Very young children learn best through two-way communication. Engaging in back-and-forth "talk time" is critical for language development. Conversations can be face-to-face or, if necessary, by video chat with a traveling parent or far-away grandparent. Research has shown that it's that "back-and-forth conversation" that improves language skills—much more so than "passive" listening or one-way interaction with a screen.

• Limit digital media for your youngest family members. Avoid digital media for toddlers younger than 18 to 24 months other than video chatting. For children 18 to 24 months, watch digital media with them because they learn from watching and talking with you. Limit screen use for preschool children, ages 2 to 5, to just 1 hour a day of high-quality programing. Co-viewing is best when possible and for young children. They learn best when they are re-taught in the real world what they just learned through a screen. So, if Ernie just taught the letter D, you can reiterate this later when you are having dinner or spending time with your child. See Healthy Digital Media Use Habits for Babies, Toddlers & Preschoolers.

• Create tech-free zones. Keep family mealtimes, other family and social gatherings, and children's bedrooms screen free. Turn off televisions that you aren't watching, because background TV can get in the way of face-to-face time with kids. Recharge devices overnight—outside your child's bedroom to help him or her avoid the temptation to use them when they should be sleeping. These changes encourage more family time, healthier eating habits, and better sleep.

• Don't use technology as an emotional pacifier. Media can be very effective in keeping kids calm and quiet, but it should not be the only way they learn to calm down. Children need to be taught how to identify and handle strong emotions, come up with activities to manage boredom, or calm down through breathing, talking about ways to solve the problem, and finding other strategies for channeling emotions.

• Apps for kids – do YOUR homework. More than 80,000 apps are labeled as educational, but little research has demonstrated their actual quality. Products pitched as "interactive" should require more than "pushing and swiping." Look to organizations like Common Sense Media for reviews about age-appropriate apps, games and programs to guide you in making the best choices for your children.

• It's OK for your teen to be online. Online relationships are part of typical adolescent development. Social media can support teens as they explore and discover more about themselves and their place in the grown-up world. Just be sure your teen is behaving appropriately in both the real and online worlds. Many teens need to be reminded that a platform's privacy settings do not make things actually "private" and that images, thoughts, and behaviors teens share online will instantly become a part of their digital footprint indefinitely. Keep lines of communication open and let them know you're there if they have questions or concerns.

• Warn children about the importance of privacy and the dangers of predators and sexting. Teens need to know that once content is shared with others, they will not be able to delete or remove it completely, and includes texting of inappropriate pictures. They may also not know about or choose not to use privacy settings, and they need to be warned that sex offenders often use social networking, chat rooms, e-mail, and online gaming to contact and exploit children.

• Remember: Kids will be kids. Kids will make mistakes using media. Try to handle errors with empathy and turn a mistake into a teachable moment. But some indiscretions, such as sexting, bullying, or posting self-harm images, may be a red flag that hints at trouble ahead. Parents must observe carefully their children's behaviors and, if needed, enlist supportive professional help, including the family pediatrician.

We hope you found those tips helpful. Now grab your little one and go make a pillow fort or a Lego castle or something.

Is it time for their first phone?4 things to consider

They are likely nagging you for a phone. Peppering you with their case, “All their friends have them” and “you’d know when hockey practice ends.” Strong arguments from a tween. And after years of reading horrifying stats and stories, you are finally asking yourself, would it be so bad? The answer is, we don’t know. But luckily for you, we’ve put together the following list of considerations to help you decide if it’s time to update your family plan:

1. Do they need to be in touch for safety reasons? Whether they walk to school, take a bus or a train, knowing their whereabouts is peace of mind. The could call you immediately if they were in danger. And it would be less embarrassing to find out from them that you forgot it was your turn to drive carpool (again).
   

2. Do they lose stuff? Phones are big ticket items. They can easily be lost or stolen. If your little one is constantly forgetting his homework or losing her backpack, you may want to give them a little more time to work on these skills before dropping that amount of cash. If you’re gut says no, trust it, or you’ll be the one paying for it later (literally).
   

3. Would they be responsible with their phones? As they say in Spiderman, with great power comes great responsibility. If they are going to need the phone after school, would they keep it in their backpacks during class? Nothing bothers teachers more than kids texting or watching tik toks during class. Would they take it out of their shorts before swimming or lock it up during cheerleading practice? Every kid is different. But no one knows yours better than you.
   

4. Would they abide by your phone rules? A phone is not a VIP wristband to adulthood. The costly little devices should come with a set of rules and responsibilities. Time limits, text and photo etiquette, site restrictions and other guidelines should be agreed upon in advance of the big purchase. Sometimes setting boundaries is hard but this where our kids need us most.

They are Getting Social (Media) - What to know and do…

It's that time. They are about to create their first social media account. Whether it’s Tik Tok or Facebook, Instagram or SnapChat, you’re probably freaking the [expletive] out. You are not crazy. Your fear is totally warranted. But this day, along with their first date, has to come at some point. What can you do to prepare?

Here’s a few helpful tips:

Stay ahead of them. Remember when you ran around the house plugging every electrical outlet with a safety plug and attaching those obnoxious cabinet locks you still can’t remove? Well is this pretty similar. Sign yourself up for an account on whatever platform they are jumping on. Understand how it works. What content you can see? Who can see your content? How do people connect with you? Can strangers approach you?

Talk to each other. Open lines of communication are the best way to keep your kid safe online. With social media, the bullying doesn’t stop when they step off the bus but an open line of communication will ensure you hear about it. They don’t want to hear stories about your youth, they want you to listen to them.

Set Rules and Limits. There’s no better way to force comparison or foster loneliness than the constant scroll of an instagram feed. “Likes” and “followers” are little more than a real-time, popularity game show. Too much time scrolling the feeds will leave you with a sad teen.

Mind the Overshare. Teach them about the “overshare.” For all our sakes, none of cares their bestie’s new jeans. In all seriousness, their digital footprint is like a trail of breadcrumbs left behind. Colleges, employers and those whose intentions may not be good can find those posts, rants, pics and more.

Set the Privacy Together. Spend time learning about the privacy settings and then set up their account with them. Show them the privacy settings you’re putting in place and why you’re doing that. You can set the boundaries to protect them but it’s helpful for them to know the dangers too.

Now, fix yourself a cocktail and remember to breathe.